Ever have those days that just make your heart happy? Today was one of those days for me.
It definitely didn't start off that way though.
As a Senior in nursing school, we have to take an exit exam called the Exit HESI. In order to graduate, we have to pass said exam. And let me tell you, the aforementioned exam is a b*tch.
Our test was Monday, and after studying my rear off for weeks, I finally felt somewhat prepared...well, as prepared as anyone can be for one of those awful tests.
The test took 3 and a half hours. 160 grueling, miserable questions. By the time I got home, my brain was pretty much mush. I don't even remember conversations I had with my roommate that afternoon, I was that brain dead.
I was honestly just so glad that it was over. I wanted to cry and jump up and down at the same time. But unfortunately, the worst was yet to come...the two days that we had to wait to get our score. Let's just say that I've been an utter nervous wreck the past two days.
So today finallllly gets here. I get my results. I made an 829. Yippee! Oh wait, we have to make an 850 to pass. Seriously?! 21 points away? 3 questions? This has got to be some kind of joke.
Nope. Not a joke. Not a joke at all actually. I get to study my butt off some more this weekend, and take another 3 hour test on Monday. Lucky me.
Feeling sorry for myself, I knew I couldn't go back to my house and just sit there because then all I would do is cry/think about it...and that was the last thing I needed to do. Fortunately, I have amazing friends that know when I need some good friend time, so MG, Denise, and I decided to go to lunch at Volta (the best Greek restaurant in Oxford).
(pretty much going to die without her next year. no, really.)
The depressing results from my test really couldn't have come on a better day. Of course, I had a pity party for a little while, but then God kinda snapped me out of it and was like "Rachel...really, it's not the end of the world. I got this under control! Look at this beautiful day. Spend it with your friends...enjoy yourself for once!"
And that's just what I did. I took a little quiet time with good ole Jesus and realized that life goes on. I'm gonna retake the HESI and I'm going to pass it the next time. I was only 21 points away. I'm good enough to pass it. I know this stuff. I am NOT going to let this test defeat me, because the Devil simply wants to see me fail and then give up. Not going to happen!
This was my devotional yesterday (that I forgot to read and happened to remember today...and I totally needed to hear it. Such a God thing. He's amazing!)....
"Come to me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive my abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let Me fill you up with My Presence. I in you, and you in Me.
My Power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence."
Thank you Lord for reminding me of this in my weakness! Your grace is sufficient for me. Your strength is made perfect when I am weak!
After my God time, we went to our Nursing School End of the Year Crawfish party...there's nothing better than some gooooood crawfish with best friends. And of course, the weather was perfect this afternoon. I could just feel God shining down around me. So blessed. It was really great to have one last shindig with our class before we graduate. Totally kept my mind off the HESI ahead of me!
After we devoured an entire cooler of crawfish, Mary Gwen, Meg, and I decided to go to Waltz to hang out a little longer and enjoy each others company. Speaking of Meg, her sweet mama totally brightened my day even more with this text message....
...after I told her that I was simply discouraged...."God is just waiting for a big ole yes from you! This is a test...are you going to look down or up? Keep your mind on things above and not on this earth! He is going to let you still praise Him loudly even in this trial...and when you pass it, we are going to praise Him even louder! Just remember...today didn't catch Him by surprise...He knows how all of this is going to turn out. God is good all the time so just cling tighter to Him!"
Really? Could she have hit the nail on the head any more? I am a firm believer that God puts people in our lives right when we need them. Her saying all of that was straight from Him and I am so thankful for those reminders, especially when I feel like I can't get back up again.
We enjoyed our friend time. The hardest part of graduating is the fact that I'm not going to have them next year. I can honestly say I have no idea how I'm going to get through every day without these girls...they've become my family.
(terrible picture, but so funny. see why I love them so much??)
The last stop of the day (I really just made my way around the square today!) was at City Grocery with my Standards girls. Couldn't have been a better end to a great afternoon. I have thoroughly enjoyed growing close with these girls over the past two semesters. We really started to look forward to our Wednesday night meetings (minus the discipline part) simply because we got to hang out with each other for a few hours. Each of them holds a special place in my heart! I've been close with Laura Katherine since she pledged KD, but I don't think I would've gotten as close to Liza Kate, Kacie, or Janeanna without having been chosen for Standards. So lucky how things work out sometimes! I gained three new best friends. My other little sisters!



The moral to this long post is coming. I'm not really sure what it is exactly, though. Maybe that through the tears God always makes me see the good in things. I'm not really sure what the good in me failing the HESI is quite yet, but I know it's there. I know there is a reason. And I'm going to accept that fact and move on. Sometimes God has to pull me down to a level that I'm uncomfortable with in order for me to pull myself back to Him.
As discouraged as I was today, I know that I'm surrounded by people that love me. I'm surrounded by family that is continuously praying for me and believing in me even when I don't believe in myself. I'm living up my last few weeks of college with my best friends. Afternoons like today's are simply good for the soul.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will pass this test. I will graduate from nursing school. I will find a job.
Hopefully I'll still feel this optimistic in the morning :)