I finally had the inspiration today to write the blog post that I've been dreading writing. This little corner of the Internet is my outlet...it's where I share my joys, my memories, my triumphs, my failures, and my emotions.
It's where I'm real. It's where I'm honest. It's where I'm me.
And I knew that eventually I'd have to hit on this topic, because in order for me to actually do something about it, I need to admit it first. And who better to admit it to? You've all been my encouragement through this whole journey. Yep...the weight loss journey. So here I am, no excuses, no hiding it anymore...being raw, honest, real.
I'm almost to my 16th month since beginning this crazy ride, and I've lost motivation. It didn't happen yesterday, it didn't happen last week...it happened a few months ago. And I've let my big move, my new job, and other stupid excuses be my reasoning for taking a break from the diet/gym. And today--I'm admitting that's not okay.
At my smallest, I had lost 82 lbs. That's a whole elementary sized kid. And I was so proud of myself...I felt like a different person. I was a different person.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane for a reminder of the "before" picture (and this is a rather flattering before picture, if I'm being honest)...
And this was me at my smallest...back in March. My waist has never been that small.
And this is me now. Approximately 25 lbs heavier than my goal/smallest weight. And a good size, if not two sizes, bigger.
I know it's not a huge, drastic, oh-my-gosh-she-gained-all-of-her-weight-back change, but I feel it. I see it when I look in the mirror. I feel it when I'm trying on my size 8 jeans that fit not even 4 months ago...and I felt it yesterday when my beautiful new Citizens of Humanity jeans came in the mail and they barely buttoned over my growing backside. Yikes.
Where did my motivation go? What happened to that girl that loved feeling the burn after a work out and loved seeing those numbers fall of on the scale? How did I let myself get back into my old habits and my old ways?
I've been back in Oxford for almost 2 months, and I joined a gym about a month after moving back. You know how many times I've been to said gym? Twice. In a whole month. Who am I? And where is Jillian Michaels when I need her?
The moral of this story is this...I needed to get this out there. I needed to admit how far I've fallen off the wagon in order to pick up the pieces and start going again. I just got burnt out. It's hard to monitor every bite that goes into your mouth. It's hard to make myself go to the gym after working 13 hours straight. But it's so worth it. Y'all--I'm fighting back tears right now because I always said my biggest fear was gaining back to the size where I started...and I'm well on my way if I don't do something about it now. Today. No more excuses, Rachel. Yeah, I know that 25 lbs isn't a huge deal in comparison to how much I've lost in the past...but I had a fire in me then. And I don't know where it's gone now, but I'm determined to find it.
Friends...encourage me. I read so many of your fabulous, wonderful blogs where y'all are triumphing through diet and weight loss and I am overjoyed for you. What works for you? What motivates you to get off the couch and run when you have barely sat down all day? What pushes you those extra minutes on the treadmill? Any suggestions on healthy recipes to jumpstart my diet? Help a sister out. I know y'all have tricks up your sleeves, so share away!
I know on the inside I'm not who I was back then, and I'm not going to let myself revert back to that insecure girl. Today is a new day, and I'm going to keep reminding myself of that. One day at a time, Rachel. I can do this.
19 comments:
Hey girl- I fall into this routine a lot. I have very little motivation at the gym and there are just some foods that taste better than others. BUT- look to those who love you and who surround you and who can give you a piece of motivation to hold onto. Blessings!!
This motivated me, too. I just completely stopped everything I had done around the same time (probably before) you started slacking on your routine. We're getting our routines back, dammit.
I am going through this too!! You can push through the slump. I made a decision just a couple of days ago that this slacking in my life had to stop. It's an epiphany of sorts! Good Luck to you. Xoxo!
First of all, you have done an amazing job triumphing through the weight loss. At your highest amount of weight loss you lost almost double that I did. You need to be proud of that. But, girl--you can do it. You can get yourself back there. It's not like you don't know how, after all. You have done it! So, get yourself to the gym, go kick your own ass, and go back to the roots that got you to where you were at your happiest and healthiest weight. I will cheer you on as you've done for me!
Rachel: first off, the fact that you have been working hard for this long is so inspiring- you need to give yourself some serious credit! Motivation loss happens to the best of us. If you need a little inspiration, you should check out my blog- it's a self help/advice blog with lots of posts about how to stay motivated and inspired. Best of luck; dig deep and you will find that motivation again!
http://andherestothemeantime.blogspot.com/
Hey Rach! I completely and totally get where you're coming from! It's one thing to be in a groove of working out, eating clean, and feeling great, but those little life things are good at de-railing us.
A night out. A vacation. A I-just-want-to-rest-and-watch-tv-after-work attitude. Trust me, I know, because I'm in the same boat.
Last year at this time I was 15lbs lighter, doing really well at weight loss and feeling back to "Meg" again. Post auto-immune diagnosis, weight gaining steroid medications, and pure laziness, my jeans are tighter and I don't feel so great about myself.
The first big step is to recognize that we're out of our groove (done!), and then find way to get re-motivated.
Here's my list of helpful tools that work for me:
+ scheduling work-out or long walk dates with my girlfriends. I love catching up for an hour or more and I don't FEEL like I am working out
+ little steps count. Even if it's a 20 minute walk, taking the stairs, parking far away, whatever. It adds up!
+ weight loss is weight loss. In order to make it doable right now, I'm aiming for at least a pound a week. I have to remember that the weight isn't always going to fall off in 5 lb increments. If a pound a week is my minimum, i can easily do this by christmas!
+ in all honesty, BF could propose at any time (one week? one year? doesn't matter, we know it will happen), and I want to look and feel awesome on my wedding day. That motivation needs to start now.
+ journal! I have a journal in my purse where i right down EVERYTHING I eat. It's amazing how fast that one cookie or few bites of macaroni add up.
+ accountability is huge. Let's do this together! I will gladly have a weekly weigh-in with you where we e-mail each other with progress or send each our motiavtion! I will tell you anything you want to know - my current weight, how much I lost/gaind that week, anything!
You hang in there! It's a HUGE accomplishment to lose the weight you've lost. Remember that. Remember how powerful you are and how good you feel when you're healthy.
I have to tell myself that that cookie will taste good for about a minute, but bing able to (finally) comfortably be back down into single digit jeans will feel WAY better.
Hugs and love!! xoxo
Easy motivation: set goals such as a 45 min workout directly after work, and give yourself a non-food reward for going. Whatever reward motivates you best. Find workout buddies to meet up with, don't call to check in before you meet to avoid making excuses to not do it. Create a biggest loser group with your in town friends with weekly weigh ins and recipe swaps. Use that group for accountability. Also everyone can contribute money to a pot that goes to the weightloss winner after a set amount of time to really motivate you. Hope these ideas help! Good luck girl, you've come so far and achieved so much, never second guess your ability to make this work!
THank you for sharing your story of frustration and lack of motivation...we have all been there! At least you realize what you want, and what you need to do to get there! I have so much faith that you will reach your goal! You are an inspiration to me! In fact...I am going to the gym after work :)
I am struggling with this right now. I've lost 25 of my hopeful 100 pounds so far. And that's since the end of April. The past few weeks, maybe the past month, I have been maintaining. Possibly gaining and then losing the same two pounds. And I can tell. I know what I am doing wrong and what I should do instead, but I have lost motivation also.
I don't have any advice for you right now. But know that you are not alone. Sometimes being reminded that other people understand is the thing you need.
when i finished reading this post, my first though was "been there ... and kind of still am there". i recently went through a 45 lb weight loss (just 10 lbs. short of my goal) and since have gained back nine of those lbs. over the past 6-months. it's frustrating and disheartening to think i was thisclose, and am now even further away from the goal. i find that i have to keep telling myself that the number on the scale or the tags of my clothes does not define me. it doesn't stop me from wanting to lower the number on the scale, but it does put things in perspective. here's to hoping you find your motivation (and that i find mine as well)! good luck :)
It's a rough road. I seem to lose sight in May and regain focus in September. Not a good cycle. But I have to empty my fridge and pantry of the temptations (preferably not eating my way through the pantry.) and make a schedule. If I make an "appointment" with the gym, I go more often than just saying I need to get to the gym today.
Tracking food, whether WW, My Fitness Pal, journaling, will help you realize what you're eating (or not eating - veggies for me).
Make sure that you make a plan and stick with it. If you falter, don't fret, but acknowledge it and move on.
You can do it!
I have recently lost weight aswell. About 25 pounds and im about 10 from my goal. Summer time has been an extremely hard time for me. I havent gained but also didnt lose one single pound and about 3 weeks ago i got serious again and have lost 5 pounds! I will say, I am engaged and it is harder with man around. You tend to eat more what they eat. Cook more delicious meals for them and go out on dates to get ice cream and the list could go on forever!Talk to the bf, talk to friends, make them hold you accountable aswell. Do active things with your boyfriend even if its going to the park and taking a walk. My fiance has been super supportive during my journey and i dont know if you confide in your boyfriend about it but you should! Its great motivation! You are beautiful!
Girl you can do it!! I'm currently in a slump as well. (aren't I always in a slump.. seems like it) but the past two weeks I have made my ass go! Just try to do something different. I had been doing lots of cardio.. runnin, elyptical, spin... so the past 2 weeks I've been lifting weights!! Gotta mix it up if you're anything like me bc I get bored!
YOU.CAN.DO.IT!!!!!!! You are awesome and should be so proud of what you've accomplished :)
first off- love your honesty! i know for me when i started this journey i had to get honest with myself- which obviously you know all about after losing 82lbs. now that you see it, make whatever changes you can. even if that's tracking your food, or committing to working out 3 times a week. you know what it takes to do this and you have it in you girl. i know what's helped me is not completely depriving myself of the things i enjoy, but just moderating them so i don't feel like i'm missing out. it's the small changes that really add up. but you know all this. haha. heck you were a HUGE inspiration for me. you can do this girl!
Awe, bless your sweet heart! I've just read through some of your comments and what sweet words of encouragement they have all given you. I would add an Amen to all of them. My Mom taught us to live by the motto: Eat to live, do not live to eat." If we all did that, we would unlikely have very much excess weight.
Abundant blessings to you as you "go forth." You are a special young lady for sure!
The best thing about your situation is that you've done it once, so you can do it again! Every 18 months or so, I gain back that 5-7 pounds that make the jeans just a little uncomfortable. Knowing that I've lost it before renews my faith that I can get back to "normal" again before it becomes 20 pounds. Good luck!
I found this post from Aly re-posting it and you have no idea how much I needed to read this today. I've falled off my weightloss wagon lately and really need to remotivate. Thank you for being so honest about your journey.
I just stunbled across your weight loss journey and i am so inspired! I have never tried to lose weight in my life but recently would like to lose about 10 lbs and tone my body a bit. your journey helps me see what it does on the iside and not jsut the outside!Thank you for sharing!!
I needed to re-read this today. You're definitely my inspiration when I'm ready to just give in. You remind me that lasting weight loss isn't quick fix; it takes time and effort and persistence. I just have to keep remembering that.
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