It's Time to Get Real.

I finally had the inspiration today to write the blog post that I've been dreading writing. This little corner of the Internet is my outlet...it's where I share my joys, my memories, my triumphs, my failures, and my emotions. 

It's where I'm real. It's where I'm honest. It's where I'm me. 

And I knew that eventually I'd have to hit on this topic, because in order for me to actually do something about it, I need to admit it first. And who better to admit it to? You've all been my encouragement through this whole journey. Yep...the weight loss journey. So here I am, no excuses, no hiding it anymore...being raw, honest, real.

I'm almost to my 16th month since beginning this crazy ride, and I've lost motivation. It didn't happen yesterday, it didn't happen last week...it happened a few months ago. And I've let my big move, my new job, and other stupid excuses be my reasoning for taking a break from the diet/gym. And today--I'm admitting that's not okay.

At my smallest, I had lost 82 lbs. That's a whole elementary sized kid. And I was so proud of myself...I felt like a different person. I was a different person. 

Let's take a stroll down memory lane for a reminder of the "before" picture (and this is a rather flattering before picture, if I'm being honest)...

And this was me at my smallest...back in March. My waist has never been that small. 

And this is me now. Approximately 25 lbs heavier than my goal/smallest weight. And a good size, if not two sizes, bigger. 

I know it's not a huge, drastic, oh-my-gosh-she-gained-all-of-her-weight-back change, but I feel it. I see it when I look in the mirror. I feel it when I'm trying on my size 8 jeans that fit not even 4 months ago...and I felt it yesterday when my beautiful new Citizens of Humanity jeans came in the mail and they barely buttoned over my growing backside. Yikes.

Where did my motivation go? What happened to that girl that loved feeling the burn after a work out and loved seeing those numbers fall of on the scale? How did I let myself get back into my old habits and my old ways?

I've been back in Oxford for almost 2 months, and I joined a gym about a month after moving back. You know how many times I've been to said gym? Twice. In a whole month. Who am I? And where is Jillian Michaels when I need her?

The moral of this story is this...I needed to get this out there. I needed to admit how far I've fallen off the wagon in order to pick up the pieces and start going again. I just got burnt out. It's hard to monitor every bite that goes into your mouth. It's hard to make myself go to the gym after working 13 hours straight. But it's so worth it. Y'all--I'm fighting back tears right now because I always said my biggest fear was gaining back to the size where I started...and I'm well on my way if I don't do something about it now. Today. No more excuses, Rachel. Yeah, I know that 25 lbs isn't a huge deal in comparison to how much I've lost in the past...but I had a fire in me then. And I don't know where it's gone now, but I'm determined to find it.

Friends...encourage me. I read so many of your fabulous, wonderful blogs where y'all are triumphing through diet and weight loss and I am overjoyed for you. What works for you? What motivates you to get off the couch and run when you have barely sat down all day? What pushes you those extra minutes on the treadmill? Any suggestions on healthy recipes to jumpstart my diet? Help a sister out. I know y'all have tricks up your sleeves, so share away!

I know on the inside I'm not who I was back then, and I'm not going to let myself revert back to that insecure girl. Today is a new day, and I'm going to keep reminding myself of that. One day at a time, Rachel. I can do this.

{friday funnies}

Thank the good Lord above that it's finally Friday! Can I get an amen?! After the past 2 nights at work, I'm desperately needing the next 3 off to relax and recuperate. My feet have blisters and my blisters have blisters. 

But you know what? It's the weekend. And in a few short hours, some of my favorite people will be in town for the weekend to celebrate the Ole Miss/Georgia game in a grand ole Hotty Toddy fashion! I'm literally counting down the minutes....football, food, Square, and friends. Yes, please!

In the meanwhile, I figured some people might need a little laugh today, and my go-to site for that is the fabulous and hilarious SomeeCards. Pretty sure they say what we're all thinking...I literally laugh out loud at these--and some are so totally something that I'd say that it's kinda creepy.

grammar Nazi...this is for you, Faye

truth.

and again, amen.

Andrew will agree to this one.

If so, just call me Pamela Anderson.

Plans of my weekend in a nutshell. What can I say? My friends are cool.

Bahahaha is all I have to say. I'm off to spend another hour or so on the website reading all of the other ones instead of doing anything on my to-do list. Priorities, people!

Happy wishes for a fantastic weekend, y'all! Soak up the first few days of fall :)

amen.

{want it wednesday}

Hey there, hump day.

Look at me...three posts in a row! I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself. That's my biggest accomplishment of the week thus far. Feels good to be back in the blog groove.

Today, I have a few little beauties to share with you. Duh, it's Want It Wednesday. The day where we get to be totally materialistic and shallow with fun little wishes. Of course, there are other legit things that I'm wanting...world peace, a 6 pack, and more sleep, but no one wants to read a blog post about those things. Instead, I shall talk about jeans, boots, eyeshadow, and the likes. Try to control your excitement, y'all.

Here we go. Let's see what's first on the list.



Oh Tory, why do I love you so much? I'm such  a fall-loving girl...so as soon as the weather starts to have a little chill in the air, I'm all ready for my boots and scarves. And these gorgeous boots have had my eye for quite some time... If only money grew on trees. Or a bush. Or maybe it could just fall from the sky. Whatevs.





And along with fab boots, I desperately want some new jeans. These Citizens are to.die.for. I'm totally not at all a jean snob...most of my fav skinnies come from Forever21 or Old Navy (btw can't believe I just admitted that...whatever. It's true.) But I know as soon as I buy a pair of Citizens, there will be no going back. We'll see if I can resist.





I've been drooling over some MK watches since my sis's boyfriend got her one for their anniversary. I won't lie...totally thought about "borrowing" it numerous times. I think it's about time for me to buy one though, don't you? Yeah, I thought so, too! 



Sephora. If any one website is the downfall of my checking account, it's Sephora. I should have a frequent buyer card or something. This little collage above is in my current shopping bag and is just one click away from being shipped to my house...I like to imagine that I'll look like Carrie Underwood or Kim Kardash if I put the right combo of makeup on my face. A girl can dream.


And hey, while I'm at it...lemme go ahead and wish for these, too...

Holy crap. Legs. Headed to the gym now.


I just realized this is basically the girliest, most shallow post ever. And I'm okay with that.
Happpppy Hump Day.
Tell me, girls...what's at the top of your current wishlist??

 

let it go.

I've caught myself repeating that over and over again in the past few weeks.

I find myself holding onto things that just hurt me in the long run--whether it be pictures, memories, feelings, or just grudges, I hold on with both hands. And tightly, too, as if I couldn't exist without their help. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to move on from some things. Change is not something I am at all fond of. And we all know that change, essentially, is a good thing. It opens up places for growth, to become something better, something greater. Change is inevitable, but at the same time, change isn't just a spontaneous occurrence--it happens for a reason. People change. Friendships change. Feelings change Life goes on, and people move on. It's the simple truth, but we all know that the truth sometimes isn't an easy thing to embrace. 

I've been struggling lately. If you know me, you know I'm opinionated, stubborn, and hard-headed, but passionate at the same time. If I feel strongly about something, I follow it wholeheartedly. So of course, accepting change and moving on without some friendships breaks me. It's not a place that I'm comfortable in, but I know that God breaks us for a purpose, although that purpose is a bit hazy to me right now. I'm just letting go. Maybe once I stop trying to control things, He can take something broken and make it beautiful again. 

I can only hope. 

miscellany on monday

It's Monday. And it's rainy here in sweet little Oxford. I worked last night and somehow haven't been able to sleep quite yet, so that warm, cozy bed in the next room is calling my name. But today, I've got the itch for a little miscellany. So here I am. Sometimes a girl just needs to ramble on for a bit, ya know? I'm pretty great at rambling.

{laughter is the only thing that will keep you sane}
Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors. Ever heard of them? If you just answered no, please go change that, I beg of you. Drew and his wife Ellie are adorable, his voice is captivating, and their songs are addicting. They just released their latest video for their song Live Forever and I've contributed approximately half of the views on YouTube. I desperately need them to come to Oxford. Love that song, love that video, love the feeling it gives. Pinkypromise it'll make your Monday. 



{a little extra fluff}
Along with everyone else in the world, I'm addicted to Pinterest. No, I didn't just jump on the bandwagon, but for some stupid reason I think this may be one of the first mentions from me on the blog! The roomies and I are trying to cook at least a few nights a week, so tonight I'm gonna try out this little slice of deliciousness (at a request from the bf.) We'll see how it turns out...I'm not sure how terribly I could screw up cheese, chicken, and noodles... But let's be honest, I probably just jinxed myself. I'll give you my thoughts on it later this week! And remember, like I always tell myself, it's not fat...just a little extra fluff.




{red hotttt}
I didn't get to watch the Emmy's last night...one of the perks of being a nightshift nurse. Buuut, you know I had the iPhone out stalking all the hottest fashion as they walked down the red carpet. The red carpet is all that really matters at an awards show, right? My favorite pick of the night? Kate Winslet in Elie Saab. I always tend to love Elie Saab...so classic and beautiful. I swear, Kate gets prettier as the years go by. And dayyyum, look at those curves! Flaunt it, Kate!



{legen ...wait for it... dary!}
It's TV premiere season, y'all. One of my most favorite seasons. I'll admit, it's a little pathetic how excited I get to know my little TiVo is filling up with TV goodness to watch on my off days. Can't wait to catch up on my favorite shows! And what's number one on my list, you ask? HIMYM. Or How I Met Your Mother for all you non-fans (crazy people, you have got to start watching this show. Best show on TV.) Our little household has been counting down for September 19th all summer long...it's even written on our house calendar and in every one of our planners. Obsessed? Maybe. I just call it dedication. 





{it's a hard job, but someone's gotta do it}
The life of a SEC fan is a tough one. It's full of ups and downs, more ups for the other teams, really, and lots of downs for us Rebels. Oh, my little alma mater. Our team this year...well, it just plain sucks. I tried to find a gentler, more appropriate way to say that, but there's no use in sugar coating it at this point. Especially if you saw our game (or slaughter as I refer to it) from this past Saturday. It looked like Vandy was the National Championship team and they were playing measly high school wanna-be's. Those hours were legitimately painful, but someone's gotta do it. I love my poor Rebels, and always will, but good gracious, let's hope and pray for a miracle the rest of the season. At least we still have the Grove! I foresee a lot of binge-we lost our football game eating in my future. With all of that being said, all that's left to say is a big Hotty Toddy! Oh, and Coach Nutt, we still love you (even though you look utterly embarrassed walking off the Vandy field in this pic.) Forward Rebels!





Well, it's now raining cats and dogs outside, and I'm pretty sure I just saw a boat float by my window. I guess we should be thankful for this rain--it definitely slows everyone down a little bit. That's a blessing in disguise! I'm off to enjoy my rainy afternoon off work, friends. 
Happy Monday!

Guess who I'm going to see tonight...

My favorite trio that ever existed.

And you will make fun. And I don't even care one little bit.

HANSON!

If you're an avid follower of this little blog, you most likely know of my obsession love for the Brothers Hanson, but in case you didn't...I love them. Seriously love them. Always have, always will. This makes my 4th time to see them in concert. And this is probably a basic repeat of last concert's post. Deal with it.

Taylor Hanson is my dream guy. Andrew already knows that he's numero uno on my "Okay to Cheat With" list. Just kidding...but really.

This is why I love them...

I'm ready to get my mmmBop on.

a hotty toddy tidbit

Who's sick of football already?? Especially SEC football?

Not me, that's for sure! I figured you weren't either (duh), so here's a little photo recap from this past weekend, since you've just been dying to see it.

It was fabulous. That's pretty much all I need to say. Family, football, food, friends. What more do I need? The answer to that question is nothing but a beer!

My precious little grandfather (favorite man in the entire, big ole, enormous world) and his Ole Miss football team from 1952, known as the "Dream Team," were honored during halftime. On the field and everything. Their team was pretty much amazing...won the Sugar Bowl and everything. He was just the happiest man ever, seeing all of his old buddies at his favorite spot in the world. It was such an honor getting to experience that with him...so neat!

I lost my voice, we lost the game, and I officially have the worst crick in my neck that the world has ever known from sleeping in a chair...but the weekend was all worth it, y'all.

Look who came to grace Oxford with her presence! My twin!

My sweet, precious family...minus my crazy parents who were MIA.

Aunt, grandmother, and sister

Sorry for all the bf pictures...he's just too cute not to share!

Roomie/bff/game & Grove partner

My partners in crime for the weekend! Love 'em long time.

Kappa Delta, what's better? I don't know, I don't know...Nothing!

This pic starts our game photo tradition...many more to come :)

Proof that we never lose the party...

Me and Andrew

All of my baby KDs...including baby sister on the far right.
Isn't she beautiful?

That's all I've got for now. I promise I'll refrain from many more football/Grove posts...at least until Saturday :)

Happppppy Thursday, y'all. Almost Friday...so close!

{it's not a career, it's a passion}

There are days when I wake up hitting the alarm, dreading getting ready and going to work. I'd pretty much rather be doing anything else in the world than putting on blue scrubs and going to stand on my feet for 12 hours straight. But then there are other days, the majority of my days, that I wake up excited about the day ahead. Yes, of course, I'm still a little groggy, and I pop a few Ibuprofen to ward off achy feet, but I'm so thankful for what I do. I have such a beautiful opportunity to be selfless in my service to the people that I see on a daily basis...I have the chance to change someone's life with my words, actions, and emotions. And a lot of days, I need to remind myself of that more. But really...so blessed.

I ran like a chicken with my head cut off the past two days I worked. I'm slowly getting the hang of my new job, more patients, and lots more computer charting, but I'm getting there. And I'm loving it. I mean really--I take care of mamas and babies all day long. What could be better? It's what I've dreamed about doing for years...and I couldn't be happier. I've gotten so many texts, tweets, and emails from sweet friends encouraging me in my job change, and it's meant the world. The support is overwhelming and wonderful. This job just fits. 

Those days when I've worked my butt off running up and down the hall for a whole shift wear me down big time, but then all it takes is one patient thanking me as they leave for taking good care of them during their stay. Or one adult daughter thanking me for "being so sweet" to her elderly Mama as I walk her up and down the hall. It just melts my heart. How did I get so lucky to pretty much fall into my perfect career on the first try? I am so thankful and so blessed. God really knows what He's doing, huh? It pays off to trust in His plan and just go... 

We often think of nursing as giving meds on time, checking an X-ray to see if the doctor needs to be called, or taking an admission at 2:00 a.m. with a smile on our faces. Too often, we forget all the other things that make our job what it truly is: caring and having a desire to make a difference. -Erin Pettingill

So there's my job update for all of you sweet friends that have asked. And today, I'm gonna get up and be thankful for my job, go to work with a happy heart, and do my job to the best of my ability. 

When I think about all the patients and their loved ones that I have worked with over the years, I know most of them don't remember me nor I them.  But I do know that I gave a little piece of myself to each of them and they to me and those threads make up the beautiful tapestry in my mind that is my career in nursing.  ~Donna Wilk Cardillo

Happy Tuesday, y'all!